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Portfolio site: AMORE's Portfolio

Comments

  1. Hi Tracy! I really enjoyed the look of your webpage. It was simple and easy to navigate. I liked the pictures too and how they fit with your story. I was kind of confused what verb tense you were using, it seemed inconsistent, but that’s pretty easily fixed! That’s really my only critique. Just watch out for your phrasing and grammar. I know that you were doing third person, past tense, but a few instances showed up to contradict that. I did like your story and writing style though. I liked that you added your own ending to go along with what you believe! I think that’s great. I’m excited to see what other stories you have in store. This one was very fun. I find it interesting how you redeemed the crane. Overall, you have an excellent portfolio ahead of you! I look forward to seeing what else you write!

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  2. Tracy,
    I love your layout, it's similar to mine and I find it easy to navigate. It would be nice to have more names for story tabs so you have an idea of what you're getting into. Also, if someone was looking for a certain story, it would be easier to find.
    Story One: I like your twist on this story. the line "Fish are friends not food" definitely made me think of Finding Nemo. I would love more details. One example wood be ""How did the weather girl transport all the fish? Did she have a bucket?" What if she made the crane actually help him. I really enjoyed this, and agree it aligns more with my beliefs as well.

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  3. Hi Tracy!

    The layout of site is really clean and laid out so everything can be found with ease while navigating everything. The story was good and the story line was one that I found easy to follow along while I was reading. There were a few grammar issues in the story that I only caught because in my story for my site I had the same issues. I really like the twist that you put on the story, it kind of adds a modern feel to the story when reading it. I also like Dorothy, instantly thought of Finding Nemo when you added the line, "Fish are friends not food." I think the biggest thing that may need to be fixed is towards the end when the weather girl started to help the fish. At the beginning the weather girl heard the fish and saw them; however, at the end the weather girl asked the crane to show here were the fish were located at. I would look into making the story line follow through with her already knowing were the fish are and adding more into how she helped them to the lake.

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  4. Hi, Tracy! First of all, I want to say that I think your portfolio title is so cute! I love that you opened the story with a quote. It really sucks the reader right into the action! I think you do a really nice job of incorporating dialogue throughout the piece. It would be so fun if the weather girl had a reporter-type name! I wonder if the weather girl likes fish? What if she notices the fish in the pond swimming around frantically? That might help ease the transition from the human world to the fish world in the second paragraph (as opposed to the sixth paragraph). Also, I was a bit confused about whether or not the weather girl could understand the fish or not right off of the bat? I think just a simple comment like, “The weather girl overheard the fish talking” would help clarify this detail to the reader in the sixth paragraph. You clarify it later on, but it's a little confusing initially. Also, I loved the, “Fish are friends, not food” quote! Overall, I thought you had a really good story! Great job!

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  5. Hi Tracy!
    The Crane and the Weather Girl was a very creative take on that story. I also wrote about the crane and the crab and I hated the real ending. I liked that you decided to keep the crane as the bad guy but you added in the weather girl to be the hero of the story. It was smart to use a real world scenario for your second story. I have read a few different versions of this tale and I liked that yours was real world. I remember back in 2012 I was a little worried that could be true. In that case many people were the foolish ones not just a single person. I would have liked to read more details about that story. Maybe even a specific instance of a person believing the world would end and somehow convincing their friends. Good read on both of your stories so far!

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  6. Hi Tracy!

    The first story, The Crane and the Weather girl, was great! I really enjoyed that your opening of the story was as if the weather girl was doing a live broadcast. I had this great mental image of a peppy weather girl telling us how hot it is! I instantly recognized the story that you were telling when you said the weather was so hot and the lakes were drying up.

    I will admit, I did get a little lost in the story. It started out with the weather girl and then she kind of fades out. For a while, the story is about the crane and the fish (like the original). I was confused where the weather girl fit in. However, at the end you brought her back into the story and made it clear what her roll was. I did enjoy that you put your own twist on the story 😊 I liked that all the fish were saved and the weather girl transported them all to safety. I think that even with this change, the moral of the story was still conveyed in the way the original author meant it to be.

    The only suggestion I would make is about your home page. It is rather blank. You might consider adding a short summary to what to expect in the following pages? I also think the comment wall link is pretty small. You might also consider making the link a little larger so that it’s easier to click on. Other than that, your pages look great!

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  7. Hey Tracy!

    I really liked the progress you've made. Your website looks really good and is pretty easy to follow. I would add something to the home page because it's really blank right now and not as welcoming as it really could be. I would also change your story titles in the top right corner to reflect what the stories are rather than have them be Story 1, Story 2, and Story 3. With the blank page and the unknown titles the reader just really doesn't know what they're getting into.

    The second story was really good. I love how you made it about a real thing that happened. It made it cool to put it in the perspective that we actually all did this. The one suggestion I would make is to space it out or make it a little longer. The story just reads really fast and seems to have a bit of an anticlimactic ending because it all happens in a paragraph. If you added more spaces or had more of a pacing to it I think it would be better.

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  8. I really appreciate that your website specifies in the upper left hand corner that this is a portfolio! Even if it would have been made apparent once the reader began the stories, this small navigation button title prepares your website's viewers for the posts ahead! Since you have gone the anthology route, the choice to use different photos in each of their banners is a great way to emphasize something unique about the story. I think each story stands alone quite well and since their are strong in their own right, the overall effect is a successful collection! It looks like the Jakata Tales inspired each of your stories, and I may be wrong about what this kind of project requires as compared to a Storybook but a small blurb on the main page or it's own page about this common thread would be a nice way to marry each of these stories! That is, unless your third story is going to be based off of a different original myth from Indian tradition. I think my favorite of the stories so far is your second one, because while I'm unfamiliar with the anime you reference I quite like that the passion for the program comes through in this retelling! I hope you commit to this theme of ancient Jakata Tale turned modern!

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  9. Hi Tracy! I really enjoyed your two stories. I'm guessing you're doing a portfolio? I like how you have the Crab and Crane story a happier ending where everyone lived. You included a human that was able to help the poor fish, which I thought was really cool. I also really enjoyed your images. I think that the banner images really help us to tell the stories apart easily. I also really enjoyed your second story about the Exorcist. I am unfamiliar with the anime personally, but I think you did a excellent job comparing the two stories and re-writing about Girly Face in a human, modern version of the story. I think it made for a very interesting twist. The only suggestion I have as you go to do revisons, is simply to take it slow. Read it aloud if it helps you. I saw no major errors, but if you take your time you can catch little errors. I missed so many little things when I was writing my story last week haha. Great job, and keep up the hard work!

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  10. Hello,
    I like the setup of your blog. It is very simple yet elegant. I also like how once you click on the blog you are immediately taken into the stories from the home page. The stories were both interesting and kept me reading at a fast pace to get to the end. I read the original of the first story for one of the reading weeks. I like the changes you made to it and the new characters you incorporated into you story. I like the happy ending you gave the fish and the weather girl. I was really a fan of the crane killing all the poor fish who trusted him. As for the second story I have to say I loved because I am a huge fan of the anime the Blue Exorcist! I immediately knew all of the characters and loved how you spun them into your tale! Keep up the great work!

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  11. Hey Tracy,

    your portfolio webpage is easy to navigate. I appreciate how simple your project is, which may allow readers to focus on the stories at hand rather than being distracted. I liked your rendition of "The Cunning Crane and The Crab." I also agree that everyone does deserve a second chance, therefore I preferred your ending rather than the original ending. One suggestion you may consider is incorporating action beat dialogues. I see that you use dialogues in the two stories you've uploaded. Instead of using traditional dialogues, you may considering looking into action beat dialogues because they help elevate the perspective of the stories and in turn help readers have a better understanding of the author's portrayal. Overall, you did a good job. I look forward to reading your last story!

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  12. Hey Tracy, I have to start out by saying that I really appreciate you describing the original story in the author's note. In so many portfolio's I have not read the source and am generally confused about what is going on. I liked your story, "Gold Necklace", and felt that it may have taught a different lesson than you were originally intending. The source story, "Dishonest Friend", focuses on a man that immediately sells the friends plow for his own personal gain; your story the character loses the necklace on accident. Rethinking what I just said, I am pretty sure the source story is preaching a strange message. The "Blue Exorcist" was another interesting story and made me want to watch the anime! I really enjoyed this translation over the original and felt that it added a lot to the meaning. I think the only suggestion I have is changing the Blue Exorcist cover photo to something more readable! Otherwise great job!

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  13. Hi Tracy! I really enjoyed looking through your portfolio! As other people have said, you do a great job in the author's notes when you describe the source stories -- these really help to give the context which is necessary for the reader to understand the story you're trying to tell, along with the basis for that story from ancient India. Also, I really liked how you were so creative with your stories! The topics you used to base your stories on were really interesting! I really enjoyed reading your first two stories, "Crane and Weather Girl" and "Blue Exorcist," since they were based in such creative ideas! I'm super impressed. Good luck with any revisions if you still want to make some. Your project looks really great! If not, and this is it for the semester, great job with your project and have a great rest of your 2019!

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  14. Hi Tracy! This is the first time I am visiting your portfolio this semester and I really enjoyed looking through it! When I first got to the home page of the portfolio I noticed the picture and layout. I really liked the image you chose and the header looks very neat. With each page, I liked how the title stood out from the graphic. Overall, the layout and navigation was really well put together! As for your stories, I really enjoyed reading each one. I thought all of them were entertaining and fit the theme of your portfolio very well. My favorite story was the "Gold Necklace". I thought the dialogue fit perfectly and was very descriptive. I also really loved your first story. I think with each story added you did a great job at putting a modern day twist on it to make it more entertaining to read. Great job!

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